I haven't wrote in a while. Don't know why really..
My Knee healed. So I guess its time to just change the name of my blog to just bitchin'.
I'm still unemployed, but hopeful I suppose. Im going to try my hand at going back to school. We'll see how that goes.
My grandpa died July 1st. He's the only man in my life who I thought ever truly gave a shit about me.
I had surgery on my mouth July 14th. It hurts but I'm dealing. It's the hungry part that my fat ass is having a hard time dealing with.
I find myself sitting up at 5am, not tired at all. I feel SO empty. I wish my life had purpose. When I was a child I always thought that becoming an adult I could achieve things that felt so far away, and here I am, an adult .. and everything still feels so out of reach. I don't have the slighest fucking idea what I want out of life or who I wanna be. Some people are born and they KNOW what they want. to be a doctor, or a fucking scientist. I just know I dont want to be miserable. Where the fuck does that leave me?
I'm going to try to make a habit out of this again. promise.
xxx
kris
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Meet The Family
I'm sorry I was a little MIA the past few days, my horrendous sleeping schedule got the best of me and I slept for the better part of 3 days and straightened myself out. Well that and my pain killers. mwahahahhaa. I'm feeling a little less emo than my last post, but a little more bitchy and feisty today. I'm going to vent a little bit more and give a little more back story to who I am if any one whom might be reading is interested in little ol' Kristen veronica.
Before I hurt myself, like I stated I was an underpaid and under appreciated Dental Assistant. I never had an interest in Dentistry, it was just a way to pay the bills. Frankly as I've gotten older instead of paving a path of success for myself, I sort of just sat around and watched the opportunities pass by me and played the poor me card for quite some time. Don't get me wrong, I often still think "poor me" but even for myself it gets old.
My mother is in her 50's, as is my father. I have a brother who is 10 years my senior, and we never had much of a relationship. When I was in my early teens my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She's fought it and beat it twice. Along with beating breast cancer she got a nasty pain killer addiction. That she hasn't fought or beat and its been going on for over 10 years now. Don't get me wrong, I can't knock my mother because she gets up for work every morning and functions. That's about it though. My father worked for the city and when the 9/11 attacks occurred he was a first responder. My father broke his hip at ground zero, was forced into early retirement and also shares a nasty oxycontin addiction (among other drugs) with my mother. My father is also suffering the health effects of not wearing proper safety equipment at ground zero and as you could imagine its not a great thing having doctors not know what's happening inside of you, so my father has giving up on life all together. That's my parents.
My brother is 32, he's married, and has a little boy who's 7. They live with us, in our home because my brother has a drug problem and can't hold a job. My sister in law is an over dramatic bitch, who feeds into my brother's shit and lets him be a stay at home dad (and by stay at home dad I mean he stays home, and he has a child, there's not much parenting involved.) My sister in law also has a drug problem and she suffers from bi-polar disorder and as of late she just got a job so we will see how long that can last. So ladies and gents, it's safe to say my 7 year old nephew and I are the only two who really function around here.
We live in a 3 family home, with my father, my mother and I in one part, my brother my sister and my nephew in another and a lovely tenant who we never hear or see in another. My mom can barely pay this ridiculous mortgage she has because she "had to save my brother and the baby". Meanwhile my sister in law's father is a wealthy investment banker who doesn't give them a dime, go figure. The house is a disaster, It's falling apart, My father doesn't move off the couch because he's slowly just awaiting his death. My brother doesn't move because he's too cracked out to function. My mother works from 5:30-1:30, comes home & crashes, wakes up, eats, watches tv, goes to bed and repeats. I don't really see my sister in law so I don't know much about her schedule except she isn't really around to care for her child because I'm doing it.
So here comes Kristen into the equation. Before I hurt myself this was a typical day of mine. I would go to work at 8 and usually return around anywhere between 5-8 to disaster. My parents and nephew are hungry. Please Feed Us. Our 2 dogs are shitting and pissing all over the house and no one will clean it up because evidently they want dogs but they don't want to take 5 minutes out of there very busy days and put them in the yard. So, I'm cooking or ordering take out, I'm cleaning up shit and piss, I'm helping a 7 year old with homework. I'm being begged by my brother and his cracked out wife for money for whatever excuse they come up with now. They used to always use the baby as an excuse so I would give them money but I've grown to know better since there drug dealer delivers. The mortgage company is actually making house calls and ringing the doorbell because my mom isn't paying the bills. It's not that she doesn't have the money to at least pay some, she just isn't paying anything because she doesn't feel like opening the mail. I also forgot to tell you that my dad is a hoarder, and throws NOTHING away. The house is covered in papers. Papers on the floor, papers on the table, papers on the couch, fucking papers everywhere. So work, cook, try my best to clean, take care of my nephew, sleep, repeat.
I tried to do as best as I could to keep it together for my nephews sake. This kid hasn't known anything else but this for his entire life so whenever I snapped I tried to make sure he wasn't around. I wish I could call social services for him and myself, but there isn't much they can do for a 22 year old.
Anyway, I hurt myself. Kristen fall down and go boom. It was the worst cast scenario for my parents. It was like fucking Armageddon for them. Who's taking out the garbage? Who's going food shopping? Who's walking the dogs? Who's cleaning? Who's wiping their asses now? For a week, my mother walked the dogs and made some TV dinners, ordered pizza. She even did laundry. My brother took the garbage out. My dad didn't participate he's too far gone to even make an attempt to care. It was interesting to watch them function while I couldn't, like I was watching animal planet or something. But, just like everything else, that didn't last long. They stopped cooking. The dogs stopped being walked. The garbage piled up. And once I actually could limp short distances, life was back to normal for them. "Kristen do this, Kristen do that, Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen !!"
Well, guess what? Kristen don't fuckin care anymore. Kristen isn't going to make the animals suffer, so she will limp one step at a time and take 25 minutes but she'll get them in the yard and she'll limp her ass back. Kristen will feed herself and her nephew but she's sure as he'll not making full on meals. Kristen will help her nephew in the best way she can, and when she can't she calls her sister in law and flips out until she does what she has to do for HER SON.
So yea. This is a little of my life. It sucks really bad when your parents don't really care about their lives or yours. and your only sibling too. Especially when you're hurt and can't do much to help yourself. But one day I won't be hurt anymore and I'm going to have to leave this house because It's not healthy for me, and I will call Social Services and hopefully I can have custody of my nephew because it's not a life either of us deserve. but It's all I can do right now while I'm stuck limping around trying to make the system work for me at home. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my parents are bad people. A lot of bad things have happened to them in life and this is the way they have dealt with it and in turn my life hasn't been the greatest. But like I said, I'm sick of the "poor me" routine. I hope I didn't bore anyone to death !
In any case in current events, I went to my orthopedic and the verdict is I have a mass on my leg and I need an MRI again to see if they can identify what it is. I'm going to be glowing after all this radiation I swear. In other unrelated knee events, I have a mouth surgery coming up in March from an accident that happened years ago that I left unattended and now I have severe bone loss on the roof of my mouth. Lets ALL say it together now, FML.
xoxoxo
cb
Before I hurt myself, like I stated I was an underpaid and under appreciated Dental Assistant. I never had an interest in Dentistry, it was just a way to pay the bills. Frankly as I've gotten older instead of paving a path of success for myself, I sort of just sat around and watched the opportunities pass by me and played the poor me card for quite some time. Don't get me wrong, I often still think "poor me" but even for myself it gets old.
My mother is in her 50's, as is my father. I have a brother who is 10 years my senior, and we never had much of a relationship. When I was in my early teens my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She's fought it and beat it twice. Along with beating breast cancer she got a nasty pain killer addiction. That she hasn't fought or beat and its been going on for over 10 years now. Don't get me wrong, I can't knock my mother because she gets up for work every morning and functions. That's about it though. My father worked for the city and when the 9/11 attacks occurred he was a first responder. My father broke his hip at ground zero, was forced into early retirement and also shares a nasty oxycontin addiction (among other drugs) with my mother. My father is also suffering the health effects of not wearing proper safety equipment at ground zero and as you could imagine its not a great thing having doctors not know what's happening inside of you, so my father has giving up on life all together. That's my parents.
My brother is 32, he's married, and has a little boy who's 7. They live with us, in our home because my brother has a drug problem and can't hold a job. My sister in law is an over dramatic bitch, who feeds into my brother's shit and lets him be a stay at home dad (and by stay at home dad I mean he stays home, and he has a child, there's not much parenting involved.) My sister in law also has a drug problem and she suffers from bi-polar disorder and as of late she just got a job so we will see how long that can last. So ladies and gents, it's safe to say my 7 year old nephew and I are the only two who really function around here.
We live in a 3 family home, with my father, my mother and I in one part, my brother my sister and my nephew in another and a lovely tenant who we never hear or see in another. My mom can barely pay this ridiculous mortgage she has because she "had to save my brother and the baby". Meanwhile my sister in law's father is a wealthy investment banker who doesn't give them a dime, go figure. The house is a disaster, It's falling apart, My father doesn't move off the couch because he's slowly just awaiting his death. My brother doesn't move because he's too cracked out to function. My mother works from 5:30-1:30, comes home & crashes, wakes up, eats, watches tv, goes to bed and repeats. I don't really see my sister in law so I don't know much about her schedule except she isn't really around to care for her child because I'm doing it.
So here comes Kristen into the equation. Before I hurt myself this was a typical day of mine. I would go to work at 8 and usually return around anywhere between 5-8 to disaster. My parents and nephew are hungry. Please Feed Us. Our 2 dogs are shitting and pissing all over the house and no one will clean it up because evidently they want dogs but they don't want to take 5 minutes out of there very busy days and put them in the yard. So, I'm cooking or ordering take out, I'm cleaning up shit and piss, I'm helping a 7 year old with homework. I'm being begged by my brother and his cracked out wife for money for whatever excuse they come up with now. They used to always use the baby as an excuse so I would give them money but I've grown to know better since there drug dealer delivers. The mortgage company is actually making house calls and ringing the doorbell because my mom isn't paying the bills. It's not that she doesn't have the money to at least pay some, she just isn't paying anything because she doesn't feel like opening the mail. I also forgot to tell you that my dad is a hoarder, and throws NOTHING away. The house is covered in papers. Papers on the floor, papers on the table, papers on the couch, fucking papers everywhere. So work, cook, try my best to clean, take care of my nephew, sleep, repeat.
I tried to do as best as I could to keep it together for my nephews sake. This kid hasn't known anything else but this for his entire life so whenever I snapped I tried to make sure he wasn't around. I wish I could call social services for him and myself, but there isn't much they can do for a 22 year old.
Anyway, I hurt myself. Kristen fall down and go boom. It was the worst cast scenario for my parents. It was like fucking Armageddon for them. Who's taking out the garbage? Who's going food shopping? Who's walking the dogs? Who's cleaning? Who's wiping their asses now? For a week, my mother walked the dogs and made some TV dinners, ordered pizza. She even did laundry. My brother took the garbage out. My dad didn't participate he's too far gone to even make an attempt to care. It was interesting to watch them function while I couldn't, like I was watching animal planet or something. But, just like everything else, that didn't last long. They stopped cooking. The dogs stopped being walked. The garbage piled up. And once I actually could limp short distances, life was back to normal for them. "Kristen do this, Kristen do that, Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen !!"
Well, guess what? Kristen don't fuckin care anymore. Kristen isn't going to make the animals suffer, so she will limp one step at a time and take 25 minutes but she'll get them in the yard and she'll limp her ass back. Kristen will feed herself and her nephew but she's sure as he'll not making full on meals. Kristen will help her nephew in the best way she can, and when she can't she calls her sister in law and flips out until she does what she has to do for HER SON.
So yea. This is a little of my life. It sucks really bad when your parents don't really care about their lives or yours. and your only sibling too. Especially when you're hurt and can't do much to help yourself. But one day I won't be hurt anymore and I'm going to have to leave this house because It's not healthy for me, and I will call Social Services and hopefully I can have custody of my nephew because it's not a life either of us deserve. but It's all I can do right now while I'm stuck limping around trying to make the system work for me at home. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my parents are bad people. A lot of bad things have happened to them in life and this is the way they have dealt with it and in turn my life hasn't been the greatest. But like I said, I'm sick of the "poor me" routine. I hope I didn't bore anyone to death !
In any case in current events, I went to my orthopedic and the verdict is I have a mass on my leg and I need an MRI again to see if they can identify what it is. I'm going to be glowing after all this radiation I swear. In other unrelated knee events, I have a mouth surgery coming up in March from an accident that happened years ago that I left unattended and now I have severe bone loss on the roof of my mouth. Lets ALL say it together now, FML.
xoxoxo
cb
Monday, January 18, 2010
Waah Wah
This will be a quick post today. I'm pretty depressed and don't feel like writing much. I hate feeling like I don't matter. I know waah waah cry me a river poor sad girl with the torn ligament. It just sucks. I can't be self sufficient when I can't walk but I live with a house full of people who don't really care .. so guess who loses?
=/
=/
Friday, January 15, 2010
Team Coco
Hey everyone. Firstly let me start off with saying I'm fucking pissed. No, more upset. They gave Jay Leno his time slot back, and next week is Conan's last Episode of "The Tonight Show". Honestly, Jay Leno? You and your chin haven't had enough ? What happened to retiring??!!!???!!!! I really am upset over this. I've grown to love that ginger over the years and once waiting in line at 6am to get tickets to see him when he was in NYC. Fucking Jay Leno. What a douche. I really hope they give Conan a payout release him from his contract and he moves to FOX. Compete head to head against Leno and kick him right in his CHIN !
Anywaaayyyyyy. I think my physical therapist may be reading my blog because she was really easy on me yesterday, so thanks Jillian Michaels I appreciated it. My day wasnt eventful at all yesterday thats why i didnt even bother to blog about it, my sleeping schedule is so messed up that I didnt even sleep until I came home from physical therapy at 11am, then woke up around 8. Just in time for a repeat of the vampire diaries (how exciting!). I did watch Grey's Anatomy though, anyone else a fan? My inquiring mind couldn't help it so at 10pm I drifted over to "The Jersey Shore". It's like a car wreck, you don't want to see the damage but you can't take your eyes off it. 3 cast members are from my town, and I assure you I'm not orange, Guido, and I have a vocabulary that consists of more than "shots, ayyyyyyyyy, and fist pump". Christ.
Today I woke up at a reasonable time (11:00am) so I'm happy about that. No one was home, so I had to limp/hop outside and put my dogs in the yard while all my neighbors stared at me like I was a circus freak. Like really old lady who stares a lot? Your 400 years old, you walk like this every day of your life. ughhh. I wish there was a bar in limping distance, my parents wont support my drinking. Bastards. My parents also seem to think that since I'm home all day I should take care of the house .. which is hilarious since I CAN'T WALK. Some one needs to fed ex me a bottle of tequila, ASAP.
xoxo
cb
Anywaaayyyyyy. I think my physical therapist may be reading my blog because she was really easy on me yesterday, so thanks Jillian Michaels I appreciated it. My day wasnt eventful at all yesterday thats why i didnt even bother to blog about it, my sleeping schedule is so messed up that I didnt even sleep until I came home from physical therapy at 11am, then woke up around 8. Just in time for a repeat of the vampire diaries (how exciting!). I did watch Grey's Anatomy though, anyone else a fan? My inquiring mind couldn't help it so at 10pm I drifted over to "The Jersey Shore". It's like a car wreck, you don't want to see the damage but you can't take your eyes off it. 3 cast members are from my town, and I assure you I'm not orange, Guido, and I have a vocabulary that consists of more than "shots, ayyyyyyyyy, and fist pump". Christ.
Today I woke up at a reasonable time (11:00am) so I'm happy about that. No one was home, so I had to limp/hop outside and put my dogs in the yard while all my neighbors stared at me like I was a circus freak. Like really old lady who stares a lot? Your 400 years old, you walk like this every day of your life. ughhh. I wish there was a bar in limping distance, my parents wont support my drinking. Bastards. My parents also seem to think that since I'm home all day I should take care of the house .. which is hilarious since I CAN'T WALK. Some one needs to fed ex me a bottle of tequila, ASAP.
xoxo
cb
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Bitches
Hello Friends. Thanks to my 3 new friends who commented on my blog yesterday, you made me very excited to know that I'm not just typing to myself =). In addition to my injury, I have inhabited a HORRIBLE sleeping pattern. It's anywhere between bed time at 10am to waking up at 7pm (just in time for Access Hollywood, you know so I can catch up on all the worlds most important events!) or I'm falling asleep at around 5am and waking up at 2 .. which is the lesser of the 2 evils I think.
I have physical therapy tomorrow morning, and you would think I would be excited about this .. one of the few times I get to leave the house should be over joying, yes??! no. DEF not. My physical trainer thinks she is Jillian Michaels from "The Biggest Loser" and makes this experience very, very, very unpleasant for me. Instead of breaking my leg, why don't you chill your shit down a notch and just help me stretch my leg, you get paid either way crazy face.
Onto other things ... Before I did my ultimate crazy dance move and snapped my PCL in half I was a Dental Assistant. I was good at my job, I wasn't a fan of the insane hours but in this day and age I was lucky to have a paycheck coming every 2 weeks. I hurt myself on December 18th .. So I've been out of work for about a month now. I've gotten exactly ONE phone call from my job .. It was the very nice receptionist and It was simply "Hello Kristen, Happy New Year. How are you feeling? Oh that's too bad. Will you hold for the doctor? He wants to know when your returning to work if at all." Like really? You couldn't even pretend to care? I spend my LIFFFEEEEEEE pretending to care about what other people have to say and I've spent the last 2 years or so pretending to care about your life and your problems. I work with a staff of about 13 people, you fuckers honestly couldn't spend 99cents and send me a fucking card? I'll take my chances with the government and see if I can get social security disability rather than return to work with you inconsiderate fucks. I'm glad I didn't get to see you for Christmas, I'm lighting ALL you bitches' Yankee Candles as I type.
Speaking of bitches, since I've been home I have realized that all my friends are bitches as well. I've had one visitor since I've been crippled and that's been my boyfriend. I'm sure he wouldn't visit if he wasn't contractually obligated to, but since he is he's been around. I've had a few close friends since I was a child (I'm 22) and not one of those fucks have payed a visit. Oh sure, I've gotten plenty "I hope you feel better soon!" texts as if that is a substitute for a visit and flowers. and to boot, most of these fucks were present for my fall, I did it at a Christmas party that I threw for everyone. Fucking A ! That's what I get. FML.
xoxo
cb
PS- this thing still looks like crap and i still have no idea how to make it pretty.
I have physical therapy tomorrow morning, and you would think I would be excited about this .. one of the few times I get to leave the house should be over joying, yes??! no. DEF not. My physical trainer thinks she is Jillian Michaels from "The Biggest Loser" and makes this experience very, very, very unpleasant for me. Instead of breaking my leg, why don't you chill your shit down a notch and just help me stretch my leg, you get paid either way crazy face.
Onto other things ... Before I did my ultimate crazy dance move and snapped my PCL in half I was a Dental Assistant. I was good at my job, I wasn't a fan of the insane hours but in this day and age I was lucky to have a paycheck coming every 2 weeks. I hurt myself on December 18th .. So I've been out of work for about a month now. I've gotten exactly ONE phone call from my job .. It was the very nice receptionist and It was simply "Hello Kristen, Happy New Year. How are you feeling? Oh that's too bad. Will you hold for the doctor? He wants to know when your returning to work if at all." Like really? You couldn't even pretend to care? I spend my LIFFFEEEEEEE pretending to care about what other people have to say and I've spent the last 2 years or so pretending to care about your life and your problems. I work with a staff of about 13 people, you fuckers honestly couldn't spend 99cents and send me a fucking card? I'll take my chances with the government and see if I can get social security disability rather than return to work with you inconsiderate fucks. I'm glad I didn't get to see you for Christmas, I'm lighting ALL you bitches' Yankee Candles as I type.
Speaking of bitches, since I've been home I have realized that all my friends are bitches as well. I've had one visitor since I've been crippled and that's been my boyfriend. I'm sure he wouldn't visit if he wasn't contractually obligated to, but since he is he's been around. I've had a few close friends since I was a child (I'm 22) and not one of those fucks have payed a visit. Oh sure, I've gotten plenty "I hope you feel better soon!" texts as if that is a substitute for a visit and flowers. and to boot, most of these fucks were present for my fall, I did it at a Christmas party that I threw for everyone. Fucking A ! That's what I get. FML.
xoxo
cb
PS- this thing still looks like crap and i still have no idea how to make it pretty.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Hello Blogging World
I'm Crippledbitch (now to be clear, I'm temporarily crippled and if my name offends anyone I will change my name to TempCrippledBitch If necessary). I wanted to start blogging because I had an accident (while drinking), busted my ass (drunk), tore a ligament in my knee and I am out of work and severely bored. I leave my house only for physical therapy 2x a week and instead of committing suicide because of my "Cabin Fever" I would like to vent to strangers about it. See, you fucking love me already. Sorry If my cursing offends you, but I have a lot of aggression being the fact that I'm stuck inside the house all day with terrible daytime television, terrible afternoon television and decent evening television. One person can only take the same episodes of "The Jersey Shore","Date My Mom" and "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" so many times. FML. HARD.
xoxo
cb
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can anyone help me jazz this shit up? I'm completely lost and it looks like crap !
thanks!
xoxo
cb
---------------------------------------------------------
can anyone help me jazz this shit up? I'm completely lost and it looks like crap !
thanks!
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